Why Mr. Right Can’t Find You: The Surprising Answers
Why can’t Mr. Right find you? This book — written by a man — may help you understand how men think and what you can do about it.
Or, you may find this book disappointing and too general.
In my opinion, this book falls short in terms of specific how-to advice, but I made lots of surprising discoveries about men and how they think. The narcissistic aspects were a real wake-up call.
Those insights can be very helpful if you’re able to wrap your brain around what this means and how to deal with it.
If men completely baffle you, and you want someone to give you specific “do this, then that, then that…” advice, this is still a good book to read, but it won’t deliver everything that you need.
One area where this book shines is in the author’s advice about online dating. He has some fascinating attitudes about this, from a man’s point of view.
To get a better idea of the author and the kinds of things he talks about in his book, Why Mr. Right Can’t Find You, watch this 6 1/2 minute interview with J. M. Kearns. (Warning: This is just part of the interview. However, there’s enough good information to make it worth watching.)
All in all, if you learn just one new thing that prevents you from having another very bad “Mr. Wrong” date, I think this book is worth buying. After all, it’s cheaper than what you’d pay if that obnoxious date — who orders filet mignon — insists on splitting the dinner bill with you.
If you’d like to know more about this book, here’s what Amazon says about it.
How many of us never meet the person with whom we could be happy? How many of us limit our romantic choice to the people who happen to wash up on our shore?
In Why Mr Right Can’t Find You, J.M. Kearns, Ph. D., shows that finding true love can be a proactive adventure.
In chapters like How Men See Women, The Underrated Chance Encounter, and The Truth About Bars, J.M. Kearns lays bare the surprising vulnerabilities of the single male, and the power they confer on women.
Men, he explains, are not shallow, not the enemy, and not aliens from Mars. In fact, the good man who is searching for you is your greatest ally, and Kearns shows you exactly how to take advantage of that fact.
In the process he overturns the classic dating myths – that destiny chose the “one and only” man for you, that baggage is bad, that all men prefer the same body type – and solves the fascinating riddle of compatibility, with a hilarious and practical guide to the factors that make two people click, illustrated with real-life vignettes straight from the dating trenches.
Sale Price:$10.40
If I’m So Wonderful, Why Am I Still Single?
If you’re so wonderful, why are you still single?
That’s the question the author of this book tries to answer. People either love or hate her answers.
I’m on the fence about this book.
In some cases, her advice seems outdated. Compared with more recent advice, Ms. Page’s advice may even scare good men away.
For example, she encourages people to open up from the start, sharing as much as possible in those critical first two hours.
My opinion? It all depends on the situation, and the kinds of information you’re sharing. That’s more about the words you’re each using — and your attitudes — than breaking down barriers to a relationship.
In general, I’d be more guarded than what she seems to suggest.
On the other hand, I like this book because it’s an early “tough love” approach.
The author steers you firmly away from “better than being alone” relationships which not only damage you, but waste time while you could be finding Mr. Right.
This 2002 book may be exactly what you’re looking for, or… it may not be a good match for you.
I wouldn’t recommend this book as your only dating guide. However, it might be a good supplementary book. And, let’s face it: Every extra insight can help.
Here’s what Amazon says about this book. (The Mars and Venus reference gives you an idea of how old this book is. But, to be fair, some recent reviewers have been very happy with the timeless advice in this book.)
Susan Page’s bestselling relationship book has been translated into 18 languages, is being read in more than 25 countries, and its mass-market edition has sold more than 158,000 copies.
At the heart of this book are Page’s famed 10 strategies for readers to better self-understanding and ultimately a fulfilling relationship.
Filled with revealing anecdotes, case studies, and quizzes, the book’s down-to- earth guidance will appeal to everyone who devoured books like Mars and Venus on a Date and Getting the Love You Want, and anyone who wants a fulfilling intimate relationship.
Sale Price:$9.96
When to Break Up
There is never a good time to break up with someone.
No matter who begins the breakup, it’s going to hurt.
There are bad times to break up, such as around Valentine’s Day, or the day before the prom, or during a time of year when you’ve made a lot of social commitments together.
However, if the relationship is clearly over, those might not be terrible times to break up. It can be just as bad to be miserable together on Valentine’s Day, or during a busy social season.
In fact, you may both feel relief to separate and start fresh, on your own.
First, be sure it’s the wrong relationship for you.
Here’s a video to help you decide:
Here what to do if you’re breaking up:
Rules if you’re breaking up with him
1. Don’t use breaking up as a threat. Either you want to break up or you don’t. Threats don’t work, long term.
2. Break up in private. Don’t tell others about the break up before you tell you partner.
3. Allow lots of time to talk it through with your partner.
4. Break up in a private, neutral location: Not your home, not his, and not in a restaurant.
5. Break up in person. Never break up — or even hint that you’re going to — over Facebook, email, text, or the phone. (Exception: If you’re worried about your safety, a distant break-up is okay. But, don’t pretend you’re afraid of him if you’re really afraid of facing the emotional pain — or lack of it — you’ll encounter.)
6. Make it a clean break. Just say that you want to break up, and calmly make a few, general points. There’s no reason to blame him, no matter what he’s done wrong. (If he’s at fault, losing you will be punishment enough.)
7. Don’t backpedal. It’s over. You both need time apart.
Then, whether he broke up with you or you broke up with him, give yourself time to get over the breakup. Rebound relationships are almost always a disaster. Worse, they spread the pain to new, innocent people. It’s better to be alone for awhile.
After the breakup, when you’ve had some time away from your ex, take an inventory of what happened. Are there things you can learn from the experience?
If you’re still hurt and confused, maybe you need some relationships advice. It could help to talk with a minister or religious counselor, a mental health professional, a relationships expert, or simply read about relationships.
It may sound trite and unsympathetic, but there’s always something you can learn from every relationship. Think of it like trying on clothes at the store: The first few dresses (or blouses, or skirts, or jackets) may not be right for you. In the process, you’ll learn what colors are best (and worst), which size you really are, and whether stripes are okay or a disaster on you.
If you can look at breakups in the same light — as a learning experience that will make it easier to spot Mr. Right — the pain can be less when you and your recent boyfriend make your separation permanent.
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